Diary of a Mad Woman: Part 2

So, where did I leave off?  Oh right, I left you just before I went in to "talk" to him.

He said that he needed to talk to her to "let go" (as I said in my previous post), and he didn't tell me because he didn't think that I would understand.  The reason he claims he wanted to "let go" was because she broke his heart, and because of that he is afraid to love me as deeply for fear of getting hurt.

The first thing that popped into my head when I heard this was, "why did you marry me (or even date me for that matter) if you couldn't love me completely?"  I get that people get hurt in relationships.  I have been hurt in relationships.  I just don't think you should allow your past negative experiences to be brought into your new relationship.  Each new relationship should be a fresh start, not a extension of the last relationship.   Now, I don't mean that you can't learn from previous relationship.  I just mean that you shouldn't hold things your past partner did against your new one.

Man, I am not making much sense.  Feel free to disregard that last paragraph.

Then we continued talking about how we both felt, and Zach basically came to the conclusion that he is an ass (I agree with this statement).  He sees that he is treating me the same way Amanda treated him during their relationship, and obviously we all know how that relationship worked out since he is now married to me.

I feel: uncertainty, lack of trust, hurt, a hole in my chest, a lump in my throat, tired, not ready to forgive, pain, hatred, betrayal.  And others, I am sure....but, I am too tired to articulate these feelings/emotions.

I am hestitant to put this out there, but I think that I will.  I might take it down later, but for now I think I will share.  Here is the screen shot from his conversation.  This is not all of it, but he has since deleted the entire thread (which is shady in and of itself)....anyway, it is proof nonetheless.

Like I said before, it was pretty tame.  I just don't like the secrets.  What's with the secrets?

He has promised to be better.  To start acting like we are in a relationship.  Show me that  you care.  Do you know that he has NEVER asked me on a date?  All of our dates have been because of my planning.  I have tired to get him involved in the process, but he hasn't wanted to. 

I hope that our relationship can change for the better.  I am looking ahead, and want to stay married to him.  But, only if some things change.  He needs to stop treating me like his mother.

Oh, yeah.  That was another revelation that we discovered last night.  I am not really his wife, just his Mom.  I have to nag him to unload the dishwasher and take out the trash (basically his only 2 "jobs" around the house).  Yeah, what a shock.  I have three children.  Who knew.

Anyway.  Things will be changing around here.  Who knows how exactly, but there needs to be change.

Thanks for listening, and all your kind comments/e-mails/tweets regarding this situation.  I greatly appreciate all your thoughtful words and encouragement.

I hope y'all have a fabulous weekend.  :)