I feel like I have disappointed my father. We almost walked out of our family dinner Sunday night because I was seconds away from losing it. He criticizes EVERYTHING, I feel as if I can do nothing right. And you know, one of the biggest fear of a daughter is disappointing her father. The list of things he doesn't like is extensive:
The food I feed my children is no good.
I shouldn't encourage my son to be polite, because he doesn't have to say please and thank you at Grandpa's house.
I have so much money, that I obviously don't know what to do with it. Because he views some of the items I purchase as frivolous.
I should lose weight, because I really don't have arthritis....I am just fat.
I am not complying with our "payment" for the camera. Even though he has never asked me how it was going, he just accuses.
I don't appropriately discipline my children.
I call things by names he doesn't approve of.
I can not recall a time when my father has said, verbally, that he was proud....or that I did something right. He has said some of these things in cards, however I need to hear it in person.
Dad, if you are reading this. I am sorry I seem to disappoint you. But, please don't take this the wrong way. This is my journal. This is how I get my feelings out. This is my outlet. Maybe one day you will understand why I am doing certain things. Maybe one day you will realize that whenever I have wanted your opinion, I have asked for it, so you don't have to offer it up so freely. I love you, but we are not communicating effectively....and it hurts me. It hurts everyone.