I feel like I have disappointed my father. We almost walked out of our family dinner Sunday night because I was seconds away from losing it. He criticizes EVERYTHING, I feel as if I can do nothing right. And you know, one of the biggest fear of a daughter is disappointing her father. The list of things he doesn't like is extensive:
The food I feed my children is no good.
I shouldn't encourage my son to be polite, because he doesn't have to say please and thank you at Grandpa's house.
I have so much money, that I obviously don't know what to do with it. Because he views some of the items I purchase as frivolous.
I should lose weight, because I really don't have arthritis....I am just fat.
I am not complying with our "payment" for the camera. Even though he has never asked me how it was going, he just accuses.
I don't appropriately discipline my children.
I call things by names he doesn't approve of.
I can not recall a time when my father has said, verbally, that he was proud....or that I did something right. He has said some of these things in cards, however I need to hear it in person.
Dad, if you are reading this. I am sorry I seem to disappoint you. But, please don't take this the wrong way. This is my journal. This is how I get my feelings out. This is my outlet. Maybe one day you will understand why I am doing certain things. Maybe one day you will realize that whenever I have wanted your opinion, I have asked for it, so you don't have to offer it up so freely. I love you, but we are not communicating effectively....and it hurts me. It hurts everyone.
it can be so hard dealing with our parents once we become parents. my mom and i didn't see eye to eye on a LOT when it came to my kids either. and she didn't say a lot that i was doing stuff right but as hard as it was in the moment, I can now look back and know that it was done in love. that she only wanted the best for me and my kids.
ReplyDeletei hope that is that case with your father too. I know it isn't for everyone, but hope it is for you and hope that it doesn't take something extreme for him to make that clear to you!! (My mom became terminally ill and while I never questioned her love for me, in the last months her words were softened.
"I will praise you, O Lord, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful. I know that full well." Psalm 139:14.
ReplyDeleteThis really helps me when people are offering "constructive criticism." Or when I'm criticizing myself. Or when I'm just down. I remind myself that I'm one of His works, and He will always offer me comfort.